The Tale of the Two Americans

I know on many occasions I’ve addressed my insensitive over generalization of cultures based on just one date with one person before by saying that it’s just for humor’s sake. But I still seem to get a bit of gripe for doing it, so this post is for those that don’t think that all guys from Seville will dance flamenco for you (though this one did), that not all Americans will watch football on the screen behind you while on a date (though he did) and not all Argentinians make awful boyfriends (even though these ones did).

To show that two people from the same country and culture can be completely different, I share with you my latest, A Tale of Two Americans.

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Theories of WhatsApp – Profile Pictures

About 6 months back I received a missed call from my ex on WhatsApp around 2 am his time. This call came at a time when I was still in that delusional phase where I thought he wanted to talk to me, so the next morning I called him back to chat. His response wasn’t to pick up the phone, but rather to text back saying that it was a mistake, that he had fallen asleep with WhatsApp open, he rolled on his phone, and his back gave me a missed call. Yes, his back. I’ve heard of butts making phone calls (only moms can pull off this excuse), but back calls are new to me and I wasn’t about to fall for this one. However, what I first thought was that he was drunk dialing me and the morning after he regretted it…but then the real reason he called hit me and that’s where I came up with a couple of WhatsApp Theories

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The Ghanaian

Now the title of this post is a bit misleading because I haven’t actually dated a Ghanaian. The reason behind this is because I was too put-off by their straightforward approach to asking a girl out. Heck, who I am kidding, Ghanaians don’t date, they propose marriage.

Let’s break down the two-step process as to why I will never be able to date a Ghanaian:

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Hello from the Office Creep

I’ve been working in Spain for 5+ years now, and though this has been the only experience I have of the corporate world, I am going to make a bold statement: acceptable behavior in a Spanish company is considered sexual harassment in 99% of the rest of the world.

Why? Here’s just a laundry list of things that have happened to me at work or at work events:

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The Israelis

Life has a way of repeating itself. ראיתי.

Or rather, I have the tendency to make the same mistakes, especially when it comes to tall, dark and handsome. However, after two consecutive years of what I would like to call “Israeli October”, I’m going to banish them from my future dating portfolio like I have done with Argentinians. Could it be that Israelis are the Argentinians of the Northern Hemisphere? In short, yes.

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Wallapop Dating

Wallapop – an app to sell and buy used items

Dating – of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple. (Definition from

In theory, these two items should not go together. I mean, if you’re looking to use an app to date, there are plenty of those out there, Wallapop not being one of them. However, when Tinder constantly tells you that you have “no one around you”, you’ve already invited all of your friends, including, but not limited to, your grandparents, dentist and your 12-year old cousin, and you’re starting to have nightmares of pulsating orange circles…

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The Brit

Living abroad for the past 5 years means that I’ve had a chance to get away from my comfort zone, especially language-wise. This has been great for my language skills when it comes to Spanish, but completely detrimental when it comes to speaking my native language, English. With most of my friends not being native English speakers, and about 50%+ of my day being in Spanish, I find myself saying things and picking up on expressions that no one would say in English, not to mention the moments when my brain goes completely blank and I am a stuttering mess. When it comes to relationships and dating, until I met the Brit, I hadn’t gone out with someone who was a native English speaker since my early college years, which I would not actually count as dating (a drunk dial at 2 am is not exactly what I would call dating). So meeting him I was a bit skeptical about how I would deal with dating in my own native language, but the truth is, I could get used to it, and that accent sure helps…

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Posted in UK